GingerSass

adding ginger to your sass

GingerSass - adding ginger to your sass

Tag Archives: prose

I found my voice again…

In Disney’s “The Little Mermaid,” there’s a scene where Ariel gives up her voice to Ursula, the evil sea witch, so that she can walk on land and be something she’s not.

While I haven’t negotiated with the devil, and I never had a singing voice to give up, I’ve spent a lot of the past year or two in a funk. I gave up my voice to my own worst enemy: myself.

During college, poetry was my escape. Imagery and rhyme scheme allowed me to convey the emotions I couldn’t communicate in everyday life. I coped with love, loss, and even episodes of Glee. Then, life got chaotic. I struggled with all the stress in my life, encountered situations I didn’t know how to handle, and went through a minor meltdown upon graduating undergrad and starting The Real Life Pit Stop Known As Grad School And Student Teaching. Amongst all this, other than when it was for a poetry class, I couldn’t find the desire to write poetry or perform at poetry readings. I felt like a part of me had died, and I threw all my writing energy into GingerSass.

On Friday, something within me changed. I thought about collapsing on my bed and watching depressing episodes of Grey’s Anatomy or Private Practice, but, on a whim, I decided to attend Out of the Box, a local open mic I last attended over 3.5 years ago.

Attending OotB felt like a homecoming. It was hosted in the basement of a church by Pandora Scooter. (She’s fabulous; I actually want to try to arrange for her to perform at school for my students as a part of our performance poetry unit.) I read my post about Coming Out Day, and the poem I wrote in response to my students attending Dodge for the first time. After I was finished, Pandora shook my hand and thanked me for what I do. I also had quite a few people come up to me afterwards and compliment my piece, and I even connected with another teacher dealing with some of the same issues and feelings I have been dealing with.

Listening to the various poetry, musical, and other sorts of performances really warmed my heart. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I was getting my voice back. Everything seemed right in the world, and it really meant a lot to be a part of such a wonderful, inviting group.

Oftentimes lately, I’ve felt like I’ve lost my voice. I haven’t had the time to write, and when I have, it’s usually been posts about something involving my student teaching internship. I’ve written maybe 2 poems since April, which is devastating to me since I usually write 2-3 poems a week. I’ve been having a bit of an identity crisis with the loss of my voice and my lack of writing. All of this combined with going to Out of the Box on Friday has helped me realized something: I really am my own worst enemy, and I am definitely the only person preventing myself from embracing my voice as a writer and a poetic performer. I have nowhere else to go but up, and I am so extremely grateful that I decided to go on Friday night. Without OotB, I don’t know if I would’ve found the desire to find my voice again. I’m finally getting closer to being the me I want to be.

Validation that I’m Cool

I’m a fairly new blogger. I didn’t start GingerSass until this past March at the Sex, Love, and Dating Conference, and I was surprised by the sudden fanbase it had. (This was probably because some of my earliest posts had the tags “lesbian,” “sex,” “gingers,” and “AfterEllen.”) I’ve been continuously surprised that strangers– not just my friends– are fans of GingerSass on Facebook, and that I have more than 5 followers on Twitter.

Twitter is a funny thing. It allows you to interact with everyone from your best friend to your favorite soap star. Sometimes big names respond, and others don’t. I’ve been lucky enough to have had people like Amy Brenneman, Tammy Lynn Michaels, Cady McClain, and StaceyAnn Chin retweet and respond to some of my rambling responses to their tweets. These moments have made me feel incredibly special.


I’m still special enough to take MySpace photos of myself in the mirror.

You know what else had made me feel incredibly special? BlogHer12.

I had the opportunity to attend a lot of panels with some incredibly talented (and famed) bloggers. After each panel, people tended to line up to meet their blogger crushes.

I observed many post-panel meetings that went like this:

Session-Attendee: “OH-MI-GAWD!!! I’m so-and-so, I blog for so-and-so! I read your blog, like, every day! I especially loved your post about (enter post description here). I left you a comment, did you see it?! (Or ‘I tweeted you about ___________’.) Do you remember me??! I blog about _______________. ”

Big Name Blogger: (polite smile, handshake) “Oh, wow, that’s so kind of you. Thank you for following me. I’m glad you enjoyed this session, it’s so great to have met you.” (slyly moves on to next fangirl)

/end scene

Now, nothing against fangirls. I’ve been one. We all have. But really? You expect Big Name Bloggers to know who the hell you are? Big Name Bloggers get TONS of comments and tweets every day. They won’t remember you, and you shouldn’t expect them to… nor should you throw a hissy fit when they don’t remember you. Grow up!

I had a different fan girl attitude at the various blogging sessions and moments of meeting Big Name Bloggers. I didn’t expect any of them to know who I was… but I was raised in a household filled with manners. If you see someone you know someplace, even if you barely know them, it’s polite to acknowledge someone and say hi. People from the Twitterverse are kind of like friends of friends you run into at a party– you’re not sure if they know who you are or not, but you feel like a jerk if you don’t say hi.

For my first fangirl moment, I ran into a Big Name Blogger whose site I discovered a few months ago, and I’ve been addicted to since. We’ve had a few Twitter discussions, but I’d never met a Twitter friend in real life. I introduced myself, saying, “Hi, I’m Kailynn, or GingerSass–” before she cut me off, interrupted me, and said, “GingerSass?! You get a hug!!!” We drank, made dirty jokes, and hung out together at various points throughout the rest of the weekend.

It was exciting.

I also attended a panel where another Big Name Blogger was moderating. After the panel, I waited for some other fangirls to finish drooling and I quickly introduced myself, saying, “Hi, I’m Kailynn, or GingerSass. I didn’t get a chance to say hi to you last night, but I just wanted to say hi and how fabulous everything is!” I was told I was funny, that said Big Name Blogger had been following my tweets throughout the entire day, and that I had been making her laugh. I also got a hug.

Other exciting moments included going to a luncheon where, once I introduced myself, everyone said “Ohhhhhhh!”, continuously tellng people my real name, my blog name, and my Facebook name and having them say “Oh my God! That’s you?!”, running up to ‘strangers’ and hugging them because we recognized one another from the Twitterverse and Blogosphere, and telling people, “I’m GingerSass, but if you can’t remember that, remember my ass.”


I had a name badge.

People knew who I was, and it was CRAZY. It was also a really surreal form of validation that I’m doing something successful with my writing. I’m making a reputation for myself in the writing world in a way I never dreamt possible, and it feels incredibly surreal–and fantabulous– to be making my dreams come true.

(By the way, I’m sorry if this post seems any bit cocky. I just can’t believe people know who I am. It’s weird.)

BlogHer ’12 momentary freak out

I’m really excited to be going to BlogHer ’12 in a few weeks, as it is a wonderful opportunity for me to network, meet other bloggers, and connect with others who share my love for writing. In just over 3 months, my site has had over 4300 hits, 1000 subscribers, almost 400 twitter followers, and over 115 fans on Facebook. My fanbase (?) grows daily, and it has been a really exciting, inspiring experience.

BlogHer, on the otherhand, has been overwhelming.

First, I didn’t think I’d be able to go at first. Student tickets were sold out, and I had missed the early bird specials because I’m a broke, uninformed grad student. I started a campaign on ChipIn, and raised $40. Wooo! I also booked a poetry gig, which gave me a decent bit of money. by some luck (and a lot of leads on Twitter!) I found someone who was selling her BlogHer ’12 student pass. Everything lined up, and lo and behold, I’M GOING TO BLOGHER ’12!!!!!!

Unfortunately, I am completely overwhelmed. My pass is for Friday & Saturday, but I want to come in on Thursday for a lunch my friend DragynAlly is hosting. I’m staying with a friend in Brooklyn for a few days, but definitely questioning the commute back and forth between BK and Times Square!

Besides the commute, another one of my big concerns is my schedule. There’s so much to do, and so little time to do it! I want to see it all. I want to attend the sessions that will be most beneficial to myself and my blog. I want to drool over all of the amazing speakers and bloggers. I want to meet all of the bloggers who have been such a vital part of my my BlogHer community experience. I want to attend as many parties as possible and truly enjoy myself.

Basically, I need to clone myself for the conference so I can take it all in.

I’m also really excited and anxious to better my website. I recently paid actual money for hosting on hostgator…but I have no clue how to backup GingerSass and transfer it over there without potentially destroying all of the hard work I have done. I want to make GingerSass more beautiful and make it have less load time, but I’m afraid of losing the image that has become associated with my brand. (Is it okay to say I have a brand now?)  My baby is taking off, and I’m about to get into a committed relationship with it. (I’ve had commitment issues with blogging in the past– can I make this relationship last?) This is so exciting and scary and amazing and wonderful and terrifying and fantabulous. Holy fudge.

Ahhhhhh BlogHer’12 ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!

What tips do you have for a BlogHer newbie like me?

Most importantly, what should I bring?? So far, all I’ve been able to do is think of things I need to bring with me, such as:

-macbook
-macbook charger
-camera
-camera charger
-business cards
-stickers
-additional swag from sponsors tbd
-cell phone
-binder
-business card holder pocket thingies in binder
-notebook
-stylish bag for everything I need during day plus outfit for night (boo commuting from BK)

Holy crud people… I’m going to BlogHer ’12!!!!!!!!!

Today has been a good day.

Today has been a good day.

I woke up, and my curls were basically PERFECT. This rarely happens.

I reached 100 posts! Wooooo!

I wore a lot of pink, a color I love but don’t own enough of, and I got a ton of compliments on how well matched my headband, earrings, necklace, and shirt were with my eye makeup.

I opened a new checking/ savings account and it was relatively painless. I even got $25!

I parallel parked in NB and didn’t kill anyone. As an added bonus, there was over an hour left on the meter when I parked!

I ate a leisurely lunch at one of my favorite eateries near campus for free. (Thank you, Living Social!) It was delicious.

I sat in a park and people watched/ wrote/ studied, and there was a beautiful breeze, sunshine, and overall bliss. A bird also decided to use my shorts as a toilet, but I’m told that is good luck.

A church group gave me a free bottle of water EXACTLY WHEN I REALIZED HOW THIRSTY I WAS. I asked what the catch was (I’m a bit skeptical of anything being free) and they told me they were just giving out water because it was hot out. (And to promote their Sunday services, but I’ll let that slide.)

I went to my university’s library and had the entire cafe to myself to study in! (It’s closed for the summer, but open for studying, so I embraced it.)

I then went to another part of the library, and I remembered that, as a a grad student, I now have Special Library Privileges (aka I can go into the Grad Student area and not be bothered by stupid underclassmen).

I found out today that, by the end of July, I’ll have two jobs. (This is a good thing.)

I spent a lot of my day studying for the Praxis I’m taking on Wednesday, and I know more than I thought I did!

I finally blogged about Taylor & Mike’s wedding, and we decided to collaborate on a fantastic blog post idea in the near future! I’m super excited about it.

I went on an impromptu photoshoot of an old cemetery, and subsequently decided to create an Etsy store of my photography. Other, more sassy items are coming soon!

Again, today is a good day. <3

Why are you having a good day?

10 Minute Musings #10

6/26/2012
10 minutes

And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

As long as I can remember, quotes from other people have been a quintessential part of my life. While I may not always listen to advice from others, I usually write their advice down. I also have filled notebooks upon notebooks of quotes that friends, co-workers, and co-workers have said. Words can truly make the difference in someone’s life. Sometimes, a simple phrase might just serve as the catalyst in someone’s decisions.

A few months ago, when I had first launched my site, I attended a Post Secret event. At the start of the event, Frank looked at everyone, commented on how amazing it was to see everyone there, and said, “How many of you have sent in a secret?” My hand went up, and because I was in the front row, he asked me how it felt. “Amazing!” I instantly replied without hesitation. He handed me a copy of “PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death, and God.” I took it and put it down by my bag. Later in the program, Frank said, “Whenever I speak at a university, I like to leave a secret message somewhere on campus for someone to find. I already left it here. (At this point, everyone sort of glanced around from their seats.) Only one person has it.” Frank then looked at me, smiled, and told me to open up the book he had given me earlier. “I want you to stand up, and read this loud enough for everyone to hear,” he told me. “The World Needs to Hear Your Voice!” I read, choking a bit as the words sunk in.

I had just started my site, and I was wondering if my dream of being a writer was pointless. His words gave me the motivation to continue with my dreams. At the end of the night, I told Frank about GingerSass and why it was so meaningful to me to have gotten the book with his message in it. His response? “Wow. You were meant to receive it. I can’t wait to see what you accomplish with your voice!” Having this message from one of my biggest inspirations in the world really means so much to me. I feel as if my destiny and my dreams in life are actually starting to coincide, and that, above anything else, is an extremely phenomenal feeling.

I rarely take words of wisdom seriously, and although I usually write them down, I usually “let it be” and forget about them. Frank Warren’s words of wisdom have stood by me, and I have let them be besides me as my dreams have grown over the past few months. My writing identity has flourished, and so has my site. I finally understand the Beatles’ song– in order to listen to words of wisdom properly, I need to let them be and grow on their own. When they’re finally fully developed, my dreams will manifest themselves on their own… if they’re meant to be.