Recently I’ve been thinking about my ability (or inability) to connect with what my body has become over the past year. After fighting with my chronic illness and growing used to constantly losing weight and being weak/pale, I found myself fighting a new battle: depression. The combination of being in a tumultuous relationship I didn’t know how to get out of mixed with the eventual break up and then the suicide of one of my friends led to me dealing with a hell of a lot of issues. I spent most of the fall semester lying in my bed with the lights off and watching mindless television or staring into space. I also found solace in my friend, Rum. I drank. A lot. Not enough to be considered alcoholic, but enough to realize it wasn’t healthy. Yet, Rum got rid of my headaches and sadness. I’d mix it with coke and my night would be fine. I’d justify it by saying I only had one year of undergrad left and I should embrace the college lifestyle.
Unfortunately, all of my “justifying” mixed with a lot of ordering delivery and not leaving my room or socializing with others left me about 20 pounds heavier than I started in the semester. Mixed with the weight I had gained since the start of 2011 during The Break Up and the months leading to (and following) The Break Up, I’m at my heaviest I’ve ever been. Ideally, I’d like to be about 30 pounds lighter.
Now, before you start thinking this is a blog post about “Oh Em GEE I’ve gotten so FAT!” let me clarify that it’s not. While I know I’ve gained weight, I’m also realistic about it now. I’ve actually made a conscious effort to eat healthier, and I took a yogalates class this semester. (Which probably does nothing for me losing weight, but it certainly helped de-stress me!) I stopped going to my therapist after the Fall semester, and I’m finally doing things for me that I’ve wanted to do for awhile, like start this website.
Now, let’s bring it back to the point of this blog post: nude blogging. While I’m currently clothed (in sweats! something I never EVER wear!), I think there’s something intimate and sensual about baring (pun intended) your thoughts while in your most vulnerable state. I tend to have my biggest brainstorms in the shower, and I often run from the shower to my desk to write them down. It feels natural to capture my thoughts while there’s nothing to hold me back, no outfits to worry about, no itchy clothing, no thoughts on whether or not I look good, etc. I think, essentially, nude blogging is the same idea as having nude photographs taken of yourself— it’s not about the fact that you are revealing a part of yourself often hidden, but about the fact that you feel comfortable enough to reveal it. It’s about self empowerment, embracing yourself, and feeling calm and tranquil with what situation is presented to you.
While toying around with the idea of writing this blog, I decided to reach out to my Twitter followers and ask for their opinion on nude blogging. As one might guess, there weren’t too many people brave enough to discuss this semi-taboo topic. However, the responses were empowering. @ButchFemmeKink, the owners and operators of a newly up and running social network for kinky butches, femmes, FTMs, allies & friends (www.butchfemmekink.com) responded, “Yes. So much yes. We approve of doing as much as possible #inthenude.” One of my friends, and an exquisitely beautiful person inside and out, @g0ddesy, responded, “I think it’s a necessity. Plus strangely profound.” When I asked her to elaborate, she wrote, “blogging is about unabashedly exposing yourself via your thoughts/words so nude blogging follows that line of exposure+honesty.” I couldn’t have summed it up better myself! Blogging IS about exposing yourself, and blogging in the nude just adds to that vulnerability and level of exposure.
What are your thoughts on blogging in the nude?