My first day of high school is tomorrow, and by first day of high school, I mean first day of school where I’m a teacher. It’s the “Teachers First Day,” which also means it’s a bunch of meetings and getting to know all the other teachers in the school. The students don’t start school until Monday.
I’m more terrified for the Teachers First Day than for my first day with the students!
Now, don’t get me wrong. As a first year teacher, I am TERRIFIED for my first day of having a classroom of my own and having absolutely no back up. I’m scared of the judgement and challenges that will arise with teaching 100+ 11th graders. However, at the end of the day, I know that I will be able to leave confident in myself and my teaching abilities. I had a really incredible, challenging, phenomenal student teaching experience in an urban district where my cooperating teacher essentially let me have full reign of the class, and I think my experiences have me ready for almost anything in the classroom.
I’m just not ready for the other teachers.
In high school, I was the over-achieving, always-having-a-club-meeting, super involved, Honor student type nerd. I was full of insecurities I tried to hide, mainly as a result of my coming out process, and I tried incredibly hard to not care if I was cool or not. To an extent, I think, by chance, I was part of the cool crowd of the Honors kids.
Tomorrow, I’m going to school with no teaching experience. I’m brand new to the profession. I have an adorable-yet-definitely-not-subtle polka dot roller teacher bag. I’ve made a conscious decision to go back in the closet until I feel comfortable at my new job, even though I know my fellow teachers (and, goodness help me, students) can just Google my full name and find pages upon pages of me being an out lesbian poet. I trip over my own feet. I’m wearing heels that I forgot to break in, although they’re “comfort plus” heels that supposedly will give me more support. I’m straightening my hair at 6am, and I will probably forget to straighten a section. For goodness sake, I currently have neon pink zebra print nails.
High school teachers are ten times worse than high school students. I’m about to have the heck judged out of me.
Wish me luck, people. I’m about to be the Lindsay Lohan meets Tina Fey of a high school.