I don’t have small children to torment, but I still have a creepazoid Elf on the Shelf named Jeepers… As in Jeepers Creepers.
Even Max knows to sleep with one eye open when he’s around.
Tonight is the last Friday night of 2012, exactly one week after the world was supposed to end. A lot has happened in 2012, and I decided to highlight everything significant that happened to me this year, month by month.
It’s been one heck of a year at GingerSass.
Not much happened in January. I turned 22, which was actually a better birthday than my 21st. My friend convinced the bartender at a local bar that I should be given a free bottle of champagne because my 21st coincided with a blizzard and I didn’t get to celebrate. I received a stuffed unicorn and zebra print seat covers from my parents. I, once again, pleaded to Ellen as to why we should celebrate our birthday together and she ignored me. Ya know, the usual.
I made it onto PostSecret for the first time. Whitney Houston died and I was devastated so I wrote a poem. Ryan Murphy pissed me off so I wrote him an angry tumblr post turned into a letter, which he never responded to.
March was a very important month for me– I STARTED GINGERSASS! (All of the posts posted before March 25th were transferred from my tumblr site.) Fun fact– GingerSass was started because I was pretending to be an investigative reporter at the Sex, Love, and Dating Conference. Also, Adrienne Rich died, which devastated me. A lot.
April freaking rocked. Highlights of the month include:
–volunteering with NOH8 and later being featured on their website
–meeting Frank Warren at my first PostSecret event
– saw an opera and a concert in one week
–my Poefy (poetry-wifey) was fantabulous in The Vagina Monologues and I wrote about it
June was an interesting month. I started it out writing about suicide after finding out that the partner of my friend who had committed suicide also committed suicide. I wrote a bunch of 10 Minute Musings for a grad class and reconnected with myself. I came out to my family as a blogger, with the support of Cady McClain, aka Dixie from All My Children. I even inspired her alter-ego, Suzy F*cking Homemaker, to create an internet meme. Suzy also encouraged me to write a post on why I want to be a celesbian…so I did. I also booked and performed my first paid poetry gig, which was pretty darn awesome.
July started off with a roadtrip to Massachusetts with Poefy to the wedding of Taylor and Mike. I basked in the glory of cheeseball goodness. (This post is still one of my most-visited posts, btw.) I fell in love with my job over the summer. I also figured out What Obama Taught Me. I indulged in Restaurant Week. Then I got serious about my blog, invested in an actually site host, got free magnets, and was overwhelmed by the idea of going to BlogHer. I also posted about teacher dress codes, which is also one of my most-visited posts of all time.
August started off with me going to BlogHer’12 and MY LIFE CHANGING FOREVER. I made so many blogging friends through BlogHer, and I’m going to (eventually) categorize them on her so you can so who I’m reading. I also won a happy hour party in August and celebrated with wings and food at a local bar with my friends. Woohoo! To top August off, I started my new job, got an apartment to go along with it, and ruminated on why Res Life will always be a part of me.
September was an emotional, crazy month. I had an awesome first week of September. I was a national runner up to be the next Verizon Ultimate Insider, mentioned on AfterEllen, and yogurt was on sale. I made it through the one year deathaversary of my friend’s suicide, and I participated in yet another walk for dead people. September was emotional, tough, and trying, but I got through it.
October started off with me reflecting on how much I love my car. I also met Jack Hanna, which was a childhood dream come true. I had a kickass lesson on bullying on National Coming Out Day and fell even more in love with teaching. I went to the Dodge Poetry Festival for the first time as an educator, and I helped my students fall in love with poetry. I met Geena Davis and she told me, “You’re changing the world to be a place I want to be in. Keep up the good work.” I saw Melissa Etheridge in concert. I survived Hurricane Sandy, was really upset that Sandy canceled Halloween, and was upset by the whole Sandy experience.
November feels like such a long time ago. I participated in NaBloPoMo for the first time and wrote about how I’m a Jersey girl, how Sandy domesticated me, and what Obama’s win meant to me. I also talked about bacon, ghosts, and just how important it was that I found my voice again by going to poetry open mics. I cut my hair, took silly webcam pics, and thought about my future. I ended my first NaBloPoMo experience by being grateful for stickers, and really having peace in knowing that I’m on the right track for what I want to do with my life.
December flew by. I think the biggest thing that happened to me this month, right before my student teaching internship ended, was that I realized why I want to teach. I arranged for an assembly for my Creative Writing students, and it really changed my relationship with them forever. It taught one student to not be afraid to be who she is, and this, in return, encouraged me to come out to her. She then wrote me a note and made me cry. Then the Newtown, Connecticut shooting happened and it hit really close to home, as it was the first school shooting that has happened since I began student teaching. My students asked me if I would take a bullet for them, and I was able to respond honestly and say yes. Student teaching ended, and I managed to make it to the parking lot after school before crying. I got creeped out by the whole Elf on a Shelf phenomenon, but secretly loved my creepy little elf.
2012 was a year of growth. I rediscovered my writing identity, and GingerSass became a very large part of who I am. I’m grateful for the opportunities blogging has given me this past year, and I cannot wait to see what 2013 holds.
Happy New Year, folks! What are you looking forward to in 2013?
PS I’m not sure if I’ll be able to attend or not, but if you’ll be at home this NYE, consider joining in on #Tweetin13. There are prizes, fun people, and it’s hosted by two of my favorite ladies. Get on it!
A few weeks ago I fell victim to consumerism and bought an Elf on the Shelf, or, as I lovingly refer to it, “a creepy elf.” The only reason I bought one was because I had a coupon code for it. That, and I really enjoyed looking at all the messed up things being done to elves on ElfShaming.com.
I could be that f*ed up, riiiight?
I named my elf Jeepers, as in Jeepers Creepers. He’s a creepy little mofo.
One of his first acts of elfishness in my house? Christmas-ifying the dog.
Then he started being a little less cute.
Then he tried to be sweet again…and I ended up being a bit terrified for my life.
Then he tried to make up for seeming homicidal by helping me bake for my students.
Jeepers may have added extra chunks to the brownies. I didn’t share this photo with my students…and everyone said how delicious they were. 0;)
I also brought Jeepers to school on Friday. He managed to seriously creep out my students.
Jeepers actually inspired me to write a holiday-themed poem to read at an open mic on Friday. Without further adieu, I present to you an ode to Jeepers Creepers, my elf on a shelf.
An Ode to Jeepers Creepers
I’m pretty sure its eyes are watching me as I try to fall asleep.
I ordered it because I found a sale where I could own one real cheap.
It seemed like a good idea to spread the Christmas cheer,
but instead I’m now guarding my life as I drink another beer.
“Your very own Elf on a Shelf!” the label said–
I thought it was creepily cute, all decked out in red.
I ordered one to join my home
but I never thought I’d end up scared to be left alone.
You see, my little Elf friend is not cute at all.
It watches me with its beady eyes from down the hall!
I’m pretty sure it’s plotting to chop off my head,
or maybe poison me so it can watch me fall dead.
My mommy blogger friends are all a flurry, their hearts filled with delight
as they move their damn elves to different spots each and every night.
For the creepy elf is actually a spy
and lets Santa know who’s been good or bad and why.
Which brings me to the next question, which I feel is a must:
How fucked up is Santa, to give a toy elf all this trust?
What happened to knowing who’s naughty or nice?
Is Santa corrupted by this elf doll stuffed with rice?
I wonder if it’s a voodoo doll, or maybe quite possessed?
Because, pardon me mommy bloggers, but I don’t think elf manipulation is the best.
“Behave, the elf is watching! He’ll tell Santa you’re being bad!”
isn’t a phrase of any childhood memory I ever had.
But today I realized, with a sigh and relief,
that the freakin’ elf is just another sick and twisted belief.
So I took the elf to school to torture my kids real bad,
and, now I understand– he’s just there for some fucked up fun to be had.
So meet Jeepers Creepers, my Elf on a Shelf.
He’s really just a reflection of my messed up, sick shit, self.
Be nice to him, the silly fuck,
or he’ll tattle to Santa and you’ll be out of luck.