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Tag Archives: coming out

Coming Out: Today’s Generation

A few weeks ago, while my #23til23 challenge was in full swing, I mentioned how I had written a letter to my extended family, coming out as both a lesbian and a blogger. I never actually finished editing the letter, and I never actually sent it, but the letter has been lurking in the back of my mind (and notebook), waiting to be sent. I had decided to wait to come out to the family until next week, as I didn’t want to steal my sister’s spotlight at her family birthday party.

This weekend, my family celebrated my sister’s 18th birthday (GAH! HOW CAN YOU BE 18 ALREADY?!?!). On the eve of her family birthday celebration, I was at V’s house, spending some quality time with her and her dogs, when my mom called.

More or less, she told me that my entire family had been having a V love fest, and how they had decided it was necessary for me to come out to the family so that V could be invited to the family bday party the next day…. and since it was 9:30 at night I’d better act fast.

Before I discuss this any further, I have a few observances to make.

1. V fits in really well with my immediate family.
Mom, Dad, bro, and sis like her. Mom and Dad even had me inviting her to the sister’s bball games these past few weeks, which means a hell of a lot to me. Not only does she get along really well with my family and sincerely support my little sis, but my parents are comfortable enough with my sexuality to have me and my girlfriend at a basketball game, in front of all of the families they’ve known since my sis was in elementary school. When this first started happening I got teary eyed. My parents are the best.

2. Grandma and V get along really well too.
My Grandma goes to a lot of my sister’s bball games as well. She is definitely from a different generation, but I’m really close to her. When I first came out to her a few years ago, I was worried our relationship wouldn’t be the same. While we haven’t directly discussed my sexuality, she’s been my #1 supporter. V and her REALLY hit it off at the first basketball game V went to, and Grandma told Mom “how pretty V is” and “how V has a 1940′s movie star name.” While Grandma won’t call V my girlfriend– and, because of her generation, I don’t ever expect her to really– she has told me how “she really likes my friend V” and “how she is such a nice girl.”

3. V is a keeper.
The fact that my family was having a family pow-wow love fest about V and calling me at 9:30 at night to come out to the family so that V could celebrate my sister’s birthday really blew me away. It left me flabbergasted, dumbfounded, and on Cloud 9 because it confirmed what I’ve known since I went on my first date with V: she’s a keeper. Family is of utmost importance to me, and she encourages me to spend time with them over her if the opportunity presents itself. My family really, really likes her, and Mom even said “it felt wrong for V not to be at the birthday party.” I don’t know what life has in store, and I know I’m border-line U-Haul lesbian for saying this after just under 2 mos of dating, but she definitely is a keeper.

Anyway. Back to the coming out story.

My family had been talking about how much they like V, how well she fits in with the fam, and how much it means to them that she’s been supporting my sis at her bball games. My sis specifically told my mom she wanted V at her party, which prompted the conversation that led to 3 missed calls while I was in the bathroom at V’s place.

When I called my mom back, I was basically told it was silly for me not to be out to the family at this point, and that I should let them all know that I’m gay and to invite V to my sister’s bday party the next day. I was overwhelmed with emotions (excitement, apprehension, happiness, joy, love, appreciation, contentment) at this conversation, but a bit nervous. Nonetheless, with my hands shaking, I texted my extended family the following:

“Hey, it’s Kailynn. This is an awkward mass text. I wanted to let you all know I’m gay and my girlfriend, V, will be at _s party. Mom, Dad, (brother), (sister), & Grandma all like her. Surprise? See you tomorrow, love you. Sorry for the awkwardness of this text.”

Naturally, I hyperventilated a bit after hitting send, screen shotted the text, and posted it on my Facebook with the caption “I just sent out mass text message to my family saying I’m gay and they’re meeting V at my sister’s bday party tomorrow, as per Mom’s request. Surprise?”

Within a few hours, the photo had 66 likes. People called me “brave,” “fantastic,” and “the best.” Even an ex I don’t really talk to much anymore congratulated me on “getting the last toe out of the closet.” One friend said, “And who said texting wasn’t an authentic & effective form of communication?” I received a few messages from Facebook friends thanking me for sharing my story. Some even said how nice it has been to watch my journey  grow and evolve over the years. It was requested that I post some of the replies…which I did.

They looked a little something like this:

coming out- our generation

While I didn’t expect my family members to boycott my sister’s birthday party, I wasn’t sure what to expect from them. Some of them are (seemingly) very religious, and I wasn’t sure how my text message would fly. As you can see, everyone was really loving and supportive.

Once I posted the responses on Facebook, I received even more likes. Comments began to appear, saying how my coming out was “so our generation,” “inspirational,” and “could help a lot of people.” I was asked if I could share my story on a blog, but, let’s be real people… my blog gets first dibs on my story. ;)

My story really is a story of “our generation,” or “Generation Y” or “The Millennials.” (These are people born between 1980 & 1995.) I’ve grown up in a world where I’ve seen the birth of popularity of computers, the internet, cellphones, and new forms of communication. While I love receiving hand-written letters and actual phone calls, people of my generation keep in touch through text messaging or social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter, or instagram. For those less advanced, email might be the communication form of choice. There’s also a constantly growing number of bloggers, such as myself, who use blogging to create an identity as a writer, stay in touch with friends, share thoughts on the world, and connect with others. Not only is my mass-text coming out a sign of this generation, but so is the fact that I posted the texts to Facebook, interacted with others about my coming out story, and am blogging about it. This is something someone 10-20 years older than me could not imagine as part of his or her coming out story, and I think it’s interesting to observe that this could actually be a new sort of coming out.

I didn’t actually feel like I was coming out this time around, mainly because I haven’t been “in” for years. I simply haven’t felt the need to share this part of my life with my extended family until now. I am, however, glad that everything is finally “out” in the open. My extended family really liked V, the party went off without a hitch, and we all had a wonderful time. It’s a relief to finally be me 100%, and even more of a relief to be doing it with someone so wonderful by my side.

2013 really is turning out to be a wonderful year for me. :)

Also…. I have the best family. EVER.

#23til23: The last day of this journey! (Sort of.)

23til23

I’m slacking in #23til23 posts because classes started this past week, and I’m lazy.

I also decided to extend my #23til23 journey to be the entire year of 23. This basically means I’ll be taking more chances, trying new things, and mis-categorizing everything as #23til23.

You’re welcome.

Anyways, to wrap up the #23til23 journey, on Friday morning I wrote a letter. It still needs to be edited– a lot– but I wrote a heartfelt letter to my extended family coming out as a blogger and a lesbian.

As I said in the letter, “I’m not sure what’s taken me so long to write you all this letter. Perhaps it’s my laziness, or perhaps, well, it really just is laziness. I’d rather be reading, shopping for new accessories, or baking chocolate chip cookies than writing you all a letter that really shouldn’t affect anything between us.”

I realized this past week that I was turning 23, and one of my biggest fears of 23 was not being true to myself as I graduate grad school, enter the working world, and become a truly legitimate adult. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty open about my sexuality and my blog. I just haven’t found the need to tell my extended family about them because they’re just as much a part of me as my hair color or my height. I don’t write my family letters telling them, “Oh, by the way, I have red hair and my driver’s license says I’m 5’10″.” They just doesn’t seem like necessary facts to state or make a big deal about, which is how I feel about my sexual identity and blogging life.

I am who I am, and minuscule details shouldn’t matter to those who care about me.

After I look over the letter again, edit it a bit, and probably consider not telling my extended family about my blog (sorry if you’re reading this in the distant future after I’ve decided to share it with you!) I’ll probably send it out in an email.

I can only imagine the subject– “I’m a flaming homo,” “I’m coming out,” or “I’m slightly famous on the internet because I’m a celesbian” will probably suffice.

To be honest, this whole coming out thing is kind of weird to me because I’ve actually forgotten that I’m not out to the whole freaking planet. I don’t care about what my extended family thinks, and while I’ll be sad if they don’t accept me, I’m at a place in my life where I’m extremely satisfied with what life has handed me. I’ll be graduating with my M.Ed this year. I had a life-changing student teaching experience. I’m writing and reading poetry again. I am in a healthy, loving relationship. I have the best friends that a girl could ask for. I have a lot going for me, and I’ve never been happier.

So, bring it, extended fam. I’m a flaming homo, and I am a blogger. Welcome to my life.

photo-1

2012: A Year in Review

Tonight is the last Friday night of 2012, exactly one week after the world was supposed to end. A lot has happened in 2012, and I decided to highlight everything significant that happened to me this year, month by month.

gs2012

It’s been one heck of a year at GingerSass.

January

Not much happened in January. I turned 22, which was actually a better birthday than my 21st. My friend convinced the bartender at a local bar that I should be given a free bottle of champagne because my 21st coincided with a blizzard and I didn’t get to celebrate. I received a stuffed unicorn and zebra print seat covers from my parents. I, once again, pleaded to Ellen as to why we should celebrate our birthday together and she ignored me. Ya know, the usual.

February

I made it onto PostSecret for the first time. Whitney Houston died and I was devastated so I wrote a poem. Ryan Murphy pissed me off so I wrote him an angry tumblr post turned into a letter, which he never responded to.

March

March was a very important month for me– I STARTED GINGERSASS! (All of the posts posted before March 25th were transferred from my tumblr site.) Fun fact– GingerSass was started because I was pretending to be an investigative reporter at the Sex, Love, and Dating Conference. Also, Adrienne Rich died, which devastated me. A lot.

April

April freaking rocked. Highlights of the month include:

-volunteering with NOH8 and later being featured on their website
-meeting Frank Warren at my first PostSecret event
- saw an opera and a concert in one week
-my Poefy (poetry-wifey) was fantabulous in The Vagina Monologues and I wrote about it

May

May was a good month for me. Obama came out in support of gay marriage. I won an award. I graduated college. Life was pretty awesome to me in May.

June

June was an interesting month. I started it out writing about suicide after finding out that the partner of my friend who had committed suicide also committed suicide. I wrote a bunch of 10 Minute Musings for a grad class and reconnected with myself. I came out to my family as a blogger, with the support of Cady McClain, aka Dixie from All My Children. I even inspired her alter-ego, Suzy F*cking Homemaker, to create an internet meme. Suzy also encouraged me to write a post on why I want to be a celesbian…so I did. I also  booked and performed my first paid poetry gig, which was pretty darn awesome.

July

July started off with a roadtrip to Massachusetts with Poefy to the wedding of Taylor and Mike. I basked in the glory of cheeseball goodness. (This post is still one of my most-visited posts, btw.) I fell in love with my job over the summer. I also figured out What Obama Taught Me. I indulged in Restaurant Week. Then I got serious about my blog, invested in an actually site host, got free magnets, and was overwhelmed by the idea of going to BlogHer. I also posted about teacher dress codes, which is also one of my most-visited posts of all time.

August

August started off with me going to BlogHer’12 and MY LIFE CHANGING FOREVER. I made so many blogging friends through BlogHer, and I’m going to (eventually) categorize them on her so you can so who I’m reading. I also won a happy hour party in August and celebrated with wings and food at a local bar with my friends. Woohoo! To top August off, I started my new job, got an apartment to go along with it, and ruminated on why Res Life will always be a part of me.

September

September was an emotional, crazy month. I had an awesome first week of September. I was a national runner up to be the next Verizon Ultimate Insider, mentioned on AfterEllen, and yogurt was on sale. I made it through the one year deathaversary of my friend’s suicide, and I participated in yet another walk for dead people. September was emotional, tough, and trying, but I got through it.

October

October started off with me reflecting on how much I love my car. I also met Jack Hanna, which was a childhood dream come true. I had a kickass lesson on bullying on National Coming Out Day and fell even more in love with teaching. I went to the Dodge Poetry Festival for the first time as an educator, and I helped my students fall in love with poetry. I met Geena Davis and she told me, “You’re changing the world to be a place I want to be in. Keep up the good work.” I saw Melissa Etheridge in concert. I survived Hurricane Sandy, was really upset that Sandy canceled Halloween, and was upset by the whole Sandy experience.

November

November feels like such a long time ago. I participated in NaBloPoMo for the first time and wrote about how I’m a Jersey girl, how Sandy domesticated me, and what Obama’s win meant to me. I also talked about bacon, ghosts, and just how important it was that I found my voice again by going to poetry open mics. I cut my hair, took silly webcam pics, and thought about my future. I ended my first NaBloPoMo experience by being grateful for stickers, and really having peace in knowing that I’m on the right track for what I want to do with my life.

December

December flew by. I think the biggest thing that happened to me this month, right before my student teaching internship ended, was that I realized why I want to teach. I arranged for an assembly for my Creative Writing students, and  it really changed my relationship with them forever. It taught one student to not be afraid to be who she is, and this, in return, encouraged me to come out to her. She then wrote me a note and made me cry. Then the Newtown, Connecticut shooting happened and it hit really close to home, as it was the first school shooting that has happened since I began student teaching. My students asked me if I would take a bullet for them, and I was able to respond honestly and say yes. Student teaching ended, and I managed to make it to the parking lot after school before crying. I got creeped out by the whole Elf on a Shelf phenomenon, but secretly loved my creepy little elf.

2012 was a year of growth. I rediscovered my writing identity, and GingerSass became a very large part of who I am. I’m grateful for the opportunities blogging has given me this past year, and I cannot wait to see what 2013 holds.

Happy New Year, folks! What are you looking forward to in 2013?

PS I’m not sure if I’ll be able to attend or not, but if you’ll be at home this NYE, consider joining in on #Tweetin13. There are prizes, fun people, and it’s hosted by two of my favorite ladies. Get on it!

Coming out as a blogger to my family

So, I did the impossible the other day. I came out as a blogger to my family. Or, rather, I was outed as a blogger.

Now, let me explain to you that, before the outing, I had been religiously looking up ways to tell my family that I’m a blogger. Through my hours of googling I discovered that there aren’t really any articles or posts on how to tell your family you’re a blogger.

In fact, I could only find one.

It wasn’t even an article.

In fact, it was a fabulous email sent out by Ashley at Writing to Reach You that clearly spells out her blogging ways to her family, and why she has run a blog for the past 3 years.

The most relatable quote from her email was “There’s no good reason I haven’t told you about it before…” That pretty much sums up my blogging life in regards to who I’ve shared GingerSass with.

A few days ago, my mom was looking for something in my room while I was at class, and she noticed a box next to my bed. My business cards were poking out of it, and curiosity got the best of her. She paid GingerSass a visit, and when I got home, there was a list of questions waiting.

It actually was exactly like the first time I came out, except she hadn’t found letters about a girl, and I wasn’t being outed as a lesbian. My mom was also really excited and proud of GingerSass. (It took her a bit to come around to me being lesbian!)

I told Mom all about GingerSass, my fan base, how GingerSass came to be, and told her about raising funds to go to BlogHer ’12.

After all was said and done, there only seemed to be one thing that mattered to Mom. She couldn’t believe that Cady McClain’s alter-ego, Suzy F*cking Homemaker, liked the GingerSass Facebook page and gave me some advice.

“DIXIE is a fan of yours?! As in Cady McClain?! WOW!! I’m so proud of you!!!”

The moral of my coming out as a blogger lesson is if Cady McClain “likes” your Facebook fanpage, Mom will be happy with your celesbian blogger endeavors.

Oh, and for those of you wondering, Dad is proud of it as well, Broface asked me a few questions and said, in true brother fashion, that “Gingers Ass” was cool, and my sis said it was “cool” that I had a site.

I’m still waiting for the dog’s verdict.

My Mooshkie Man would rather cuddle with his over-sized flamingo toy than tell me if he likes GingerSass.

A rare post about dating realizations

I went on a date last week for the first time in months. It was supposed to just be coffee, maybe an hour tops, and it lasted three hours. We had a lot of fun people watching, and being snarky assholes. The whole time, however, something was bothering me. I’ve never dealt with this before.

The girl I was out on a date with wasn’t out to her family, only to a few friends, and she didn’t plan on ever being out.

I’ve never been a dirty little secret before, although I’ve made other people be my dirty little secret. This, mixed with a few other pet peeves of mine that are absolute deal breakers, convinced me to not go out with this girl again.

Today, I started thinking about a random slew of things. When I went through my old phone to find someone’s number, I stumbled upon saved texts from my ex girlfriend. When things were good, they were good. When they were bad, well, they were baaaaad.

I realize she put up with a lot while she was with me. I was 19 when we started dating, and she was 27. I wasn’t out to my family. I identified as a tomato. I was underage and couldn’t go to bars. I was a socially awkward ginger still in college. Who in their right mind decides to start dating that? Haha.

It’s weird to me now to think that I am now, essentially in the same situation my ex was when we started dating. I’m over 21, a college graduate, out to my family (minus some extended but close enough), still awkward, a lesbian, and a huge fan of happy hours. I cannot even process dating someone under 21, let alone someone still a teenager, or someone who is hardly out. I’m at a different stage in my life than anyone who is underage, not out, and in college still. I’m pursuing my Masters degree. I’m thinking about my future because, in a year, I will legitimately be an adult.

I want to date other adult women.

Weird.

Now, I am always attracted to women older than me so being under 21 isn’t a problem. What’s weird is the older women I’m attracted to almost always are just starting college or going back to school.

In five years, I’ll be 27 going on 28. (!!!) I see myself settling down, (maybe) being a homeowner, having a pet dog, having a career in the education field, potentially being married, and thinking of starting a family. Is this logical dreaming? Some of it is. Do I recognize that these dreams may not be a reality? Of course. One of the most important things I’ve learned this past year is that sometimes you realize that the hopes and dreams you once had may not happen, and this may feel like you’re experiencing the death of a loved one…but at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that you can still have the hopes and dreams you once wanted, just a little differently.

Thank you for reading this ramble, and if you know of any eligible adult women who meet my picky criteria…feel free to send them my way. ;)