It’s the second– and last– day of BlogHer’13. I’m in a state of tranquility that I can’t explain. It’s a mixture of getting together with thousands of “my people,” a lot of free coffee, delicious food, and receiving validation that blogging is something worthwhile. I’m in a foggy-yet-clear state of bliss and serenity that isn’t letting any stress penetrate my soul.
You know what else is amazing?
Well, maybe terrifying?
Tonight is the BlogHer’13 Fashion Show. I’m modeling. In heels. Potentially in fishnets. Maybe in a ballgown or a leopard print shirt.
Come out. Enjoy the show. Don’t laugh at me during the show. Laugh with me afterwards. Drink with me. Eat with me. Sing show tunes with me.
At a time in my life where I’ve been having an inexplicable amount of body image issues, for no reason whatsoever, I consciously decided to be a model, in a fashion show, in front of thousands of women.
This is basically both a dream come true and a huge nightmare for my inner teenage girl.
I agreed to Elisa’s message asking me to be in the show before I could say no, and the anxiety began. I received an email asking for my measurements, something I haven’t taken since I was in a wedding last summer, and it was a bit panic-inducing. I sent my various measurements and sizes to the modeling agency working with BlogHer, making note that my wasn’t asked for anywhere, and waited for the rejection. You’re too tall. You’re too heavy. You’re too pale. You’re not what we’re looking for. I waited to hear any– or all– of those phrases, phrases I didn’t even know I could be afraid to hear someone utter to me, and anticipated being told it was all a mistake. Then I was invited to a telephone conference to discuss the show, where voices I’ve never heard laughed and spoke excitedly about how excited they were that we were all being a part of it.
I’m second guessing myself.
I’m questioning the sanity of Elisa for asking me to be part of the show.
I’m most likely going to have a momentary freakout before we walk the runway and make inappropriate jokes (or take shots) with Vikki, my fellow model.
Good LAWD I have no clue what I’ve gotten into.
Yet… I can’t wait to conquer my inexplicable insecurities and own that damn runway… even though I will most likely trip. (I’m a klutz, didn’t you know??)
So, there you have it folks…
As of next Saturday, I’ll be able to say I’m a model.
Ballet always made me feel like a fairy princess. Maybe modeling will have the same effect.
In honor of BlogHer13 being less than a month away, I will be trying to post regularly about my growth as a blogger in the past year.
I went to BlogHer12 as a new, inexperienced blogger. I didn’t know much about blogging… Or much about myself. The experiences I had, and the people I met through blogging have given me the courage and strength to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth through my writing. While I’ve had my ups and downs over the past year, one thing has remained the same: my blog has been my outlet.
I guess you could almost say BlogHer and blogging has been a key part of my journey this past year.
I didn’t know what to expect, and my social anxiety prevented me from wanting to make new friends at the conference, so I decided to do what I had done when I was younger: pretend I was a news reporter and super important at an event.
I ended up creating GingerSass and live-blogging the conference. GingerSass had over 300 hits in its first 24 hours of existence. By the end of the week, GingerSass had a domain name, a Twitter account, and me solemnly swearing that I wouldn’t toss GingerSass to the side after a few weeks, like I have done with so many writing projects in the past.
One year later, GingerSass has grown into something I never could have dreamed of. A year ago, I thought GingerSass would just be something to make me feel like less of an awkward turtle at a conference. Now, GingerSass has over 745 Twitter followers, 170 fans on Facebook, and, on average, over 5,000 visitors per month. THAT’S CRAZY TALK.
GingerSass has given me a lot of opportunities this past year I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I attended the BlogHer conference in NYC. I met fellow bloggers and made some amazing friends. I became a National Runner Up to be the Verizon Ultimate Insider. I’ve booked a few appearances and made a bit of money as a poet (unheard of!). I’ve been mentioned on AfterEllen. I’ve interacted with celebrities whose alter-egos have questioned what a celesbian is and why I want to be one. (coughcoughCadyMcClaincough) I’ve also been sent fun things in the mail, including a book from Eden Riegel’s mom. (I’m still finishing it, Lenore! Sorry!) GingerSass is also found in the first few pages of “celesbian” search results on major search engines.
Besides the Z-list celesbianism I’ve managed to obtain, GingerSass has given me a lot personally. It’s helped me grow as both a person and a writer, and it’s helped me get through anxiety, stress, grieving, student teaching, excitement, a hurricane, love, and so much more. It’s helped me become more in tune with who I am, and who I want to be. GingerSass gave me the voice that I kept locked away for so long, and it has helped remind me that I am a strong, independent, incredibly awkward yet endearingly sassy ginger woman.
GingerSass has been one of the best things that has come into my life, and I am forever grateful for what it has evolved into. It wouldn’t be possible without all of you– THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.
I’ll be announcing a giveaway at some point this week to commemorate one year of GingerSass. Until then, be sure to like GingerSass on Facebook, follow @THEGingerSass on Twitter, or subscribe to GingerSass using the “Subscribe” button on the side of this page.
Stay tuned for an update– with cake– later tonight! Thanks again for making this past year possible. I really couldn’t have done it without all of you. <3
Oh, and here’s a Hillary Scott (of Lady Antebellum fame) song I found that perfectly sums up how much my life has changed in the year that GingerSass has been around. Blogging and running GingerSass truly has been life-changing for me.