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#23til23: Shonda Rhimes is trying to destroy my identity as a robot.


Today, I didn’t really do much of anything. In my head, I actually planned on going into the city today and having a day to myself, but I just wasn’t feeling the idea of paying $30 to hop on a train and do nothing.

Fast forward through all of my small talk boringness and let’s cut to the point:

Shonda Rhimes is out to get me.

For years my Facebook profile has bragged, “I don’t have emotions. I’m a robot. Beep beep boop.”

I’ve taken pride in pretending to be a stone-cold, emotionless bitch. I cringe at the thought of love and romanticism, I vomit at the idea of Valentine’s Day, and I’m skeptical of everything. That is, except for every Thursday night from 9pm-10pm EST.

For nine years, Shonda Rhimes has tried to destroy my life. She has made me come close to actually vomiting over gory images, and she has sent me on an emotional roller coaster every week. While watching Grey’s Anatomy, I regularly laugh, cry, scream, grieve, giggle, get physically uncomfortable, grow frustrated, throw things (sometimes), and curse Shonda Rhimes on Twitter. After 9 years of this unhealthy relationship, I actually realized how manipulative Shonda is at making me “feel things” regularly. Tonight, I had to explain that between 9 & 10 I become emotionally unstable every week to someone who doesn’t watch Grey’s Anatomy. After my explanation, I realized that I actually sounded mentally unstable in explaining how a television show makes me emotionally unstable every week… and how I keep going back for more.


This photo may or may not have been staged… but it’s pretty much how I look every week while watching Grey’s.

What does any of this have to do with my #23til23 project?

Well, I decided it’s a good (potentially bad) idea for me to open myself up more to my emotions and having less walls up. As much as I love to hate Shonda Rhimes every week, she is my weekly therapy session in making this happen. She forces me to cry uncontrollably, tweet what I’m feeling, and walk away feeling relieved.

So thank you, Shonda Rhimes, for being part of my #23til23 journey.

This song played on tonight’s episode of Grey’s as one of the main characters danced at her wedding, not knowing her closest friend’s wife had just died and he still went to her wedding. God freaking damnit, Shonda Rhimes.