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NaBloPoMo 2012- November 23rd: Goodbye

Today’s prompt reads

Friday, November 23, 2012
What is the hardest word for you to say?

Initially, my response to this prompt was “Sorry.” After a bit of reflection, I realized the word “goodbye” is more difficult than any other word.

Saying “goodbye” sucks, whether it be saying goodbye to a friend who’s moving to another country, saying goodbye at the end of a family gathering, saying goodbye when you’re leaving a job, or, the worst sort of goodbye, saying goodbye when someone you love and care about is no longer a part of your life.

Every year, I make a calendar for my Grandma for Christmas.

If you make a wall calendar before 11:59 PST tonight and use the code CALENDAR2013 the calendar will be free! Wooo!

Each month is a different grandchild, with the exception of December, which is always a collage of all of our family, including my Grandma & Grandpa. My Grandpa (Buster) died in 2008, and, until this year, I’ve always been able to use a different photo of my Grandma & him in the calendar. This year, I realized I ran out of photos and that I’d have to repeat a photo of them since it’s been almost 5 years since he’s been gone. This absolutely devastated me, and it really drove home the fact that he hasn’t been around for family holidays and celebrations for five years. Even though it’s been such a long time, I’m still not ready to say goodbye to Buster, and I feel like repeating a photo in the calendar is forcing me to say goodbye.

The truth of the matter is I can never fully say goodbye to people I love. I’m the sort of person who, when you come into my life, unless you really do something terrible, you’re in my life for good. When I do have to say goodbye, it’s nearly impossible for me to bid farewell, and extremely impossible for me to accept that someone is no longer a part of my life.

What is the hardest word for you to say?