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NaBloPoMo 2012: November 9th– Guilt Complex

Today’s prompt reads

Friday, November 9, 2012
If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?

Well, this is a tough prompt to respond to.

I currently feel a lot of guilt for things beyond my control. In the past few weeks (and months) I have felt guilt for having things I have worked so hard for. I have a college degree. I have a job. I have a beautiful studio apartment as a part of that job. I have a car in great condition. I have family filled with good health, love, and support of one another. I have a great set of friends. I’m working towards my Masters in Secondary English Education, and I have a really supportive, amazing cohort. I have had a really rewarding student teaching experience (so far, knock on wood). I have a dog who thinks he’s a drag queen and may or may not be an alien (sorry, I’m sharing this post with you all as much as humanly possible.) I didn’t lose anything or anyone in Sandy, and I’m even fortunate enough to be holding a fundraising raffle for the hurricane victims.

So why do I feel so guilty?

Simple: I have what others don’t. I have always been extremely lucky in my life. Even in times of trial, even when I have been the underdog, I’ve managed to come out on top. When the going has gotten reeeeeally tough, I’ve somehow managed to have everything work out in the end.

Even with a farmer’s tan, frizzy hair, and poor clothing choices, I even managed to come out on top (of a mountain of books) in high school.

If I could change one thing about my life right now, it would be my guilt complex. No matter what the scenario, I always feel guilty about what I have. Instead of feeling guilty, I need to learn to feel grateful and count my blessings. So many people have lost so much these past few weeks, and I need to learn to be grateful for what I have instead of feeling bad about it.