Tuesday, November 6, 2012
If you were President of the United States, what would be your first act in office?
I’d probably take a nap as my first act as President.
Think about it– after months and months of campaigning, after long hours of trying to convince others that I’m the best person for the job, after beating someone in a race I’m probably not even qualified to run in, you’d better believe I’m taking a nap after all is said and done.
Actually, first I’m having a drink. (Blue LIT, please.) THEN I’m taking a nap.
After napping in the Presidential suite (which, through 6 degrees of separation, would mean I’m sleeping in the same bed as Michelle Obama and her arms), and after lip syncing to “We Are the Champions” and “Party in the USA,” in the karaoke bar I’ve asked to be installed in the White House prior to my moving in, I’ll go make a few phone calls. I need to unite my dream team, kind of like Captain Planet.
VP is a tough one. Everyone knows that VP does all of the hard work, and the President just has to be the scapegoat. I think I’ll make Rachel Maddow my VP. I’d probably spend my entire term drooling over her and she’d be all “Kailynn! Madame President! Are you even listening to me?!” and I’d be all “Uh-huh…Tell me again?” and she’d get all cute and frustrated with me and repeat herself. This would be a constantly repeated cycle. Obviously.
I’d keep Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State because I love her pantsuits.
Tina Fey would be in charge of…well, I’m not sure. I’ll get back to Tina Fey.
Geena Davis would be appointed Secretary of Education because she is one intelligent lady and she also makes me drool. Plus, you know, we have a history.
The Bloggess can be in charge of Homeland Security because her campaign slogan is “Free Unicorns for Everyone.” She wants to free any captive unicorns that are out there. Obviously this is a job for Homeland Security. Plus, she already has plans to escape the Zombie apocalypse.
Oh. I guess I should throw some guys into the mix. I wouldn’t want my administration to seem like it has binders full of women.
Crap. I don’t know anything about politics.
All I have left in my cabinet are Secretaries of Agriculture, Commerce, Defense, Energy, Health and Human Services, Housing and Urban Development, Interior, Labor, Transportation, Treasury, and Veterans Affairs, as well as the Attorney General.
I’ll let Rachel Maddow and Geena Davis decide who gets to be the rest of my cabinet. Hilary can help too, as long as she’s not wearing an orange pantsuit. I really hate the color orange. They should also make sure Tina Fey gets a job somewhere because I love her dearly, and, although I realize they’re not the same person, Liz Lemon is totally my soulmate.
Oh. Back to the prompt. After having a drink, singing karaoke in my private karaoke bar (which actually sounds quite depressing now that I think about it, unless I force Geena, Rachel, Liz, and The Bloggess to sing with me), and appointing my Cabinet, I’ll make same-sex marriage legal.
Because, let’s be real…my term in the White House is going to be really freakin’ gay. And I would love to get married on the White House lawn and have the reception in my newly-installed White House karaoke bar.
What would you do with your first act as President?
(PS I just Googled it. The White House really doesn’t have a karaoke bar…yet.)