On Saturday morning, after a night of babysitting 5 year old and 7 year old self-declared princesses for 8 hours, I got up bright and early to set out on what I was sure to be a treck to the wedding of My Pleonastic Life and Folk Sneakernet in Massachusetts. I had never been to Massachusetts before, and I was a bit paranoid about the trip. (Mapquest told me it would only take 3.5 hours; I was convinced there would be traffic, unforeseen chaos, and that we would arrive in 5 hours.) My poefy (poetry wifey) Dina (@L_w0rd) joined me as my wedding date, and I was super excited to be roadtripping with her. I felt we were obviously destined to be the lesbian Thelma and Louise.
I made a few mix cd’s for our trip. First up we had what I dubbed “Roadtrip CD.” This cd, for lack of better words, was extremely emotional and girly. It had everything from Fleetwood Mac to Billy Joel to The Go-Go’s. It was full of female power ballads, and a lot of fun. I also made a “Singalong CD” which was, well, full of classic singalong songs. It had everything from Whitney to Grease to Taylor Swift. This was perhaps the whitest cd I’ve ever created. We also listened to Taylor Swift, Melissa Etheridge’s greatest hits, and sad, depressing lesbian-themed music Dina had once burnt on a CD for me. We were super gay.
We made excellent time during the drive to Massachusetts. We gossiped like there was no tomorrow, stopped for Dunkin Donuts, and then gossiped some more. When we crossed the Massachusetts border, we screamed like crazy, pulled to the side of the road, and took the obligatory tourist photo of the “Welcome to Massachusetts” sign. We called our respective concerned individuals to let them know we had arrived, and kept driving. (Rumor had it there wouldn’t be cell phone reception in the town we were going to for the wedding rehearsal.)
We literally stopped traffic to take this photo.
We turned into Stockbridge, Massachusetts, watched our cellphone signals die, cried momentarily, and then stared in amazement at the quaint town before us. It reminded both of us of Stars Hallow IMMEDIATELY (Google it, you non-Gilmore Girls junkies), and we excitedly jumped out to explore the town. We oohed and ahhed at all of the small stores, window shopped, and made plans to come back again one day. We went into the The Lion’s Den, which was waaaaay beyond our expectations. I mean seriously, no place in Jersey has waiting areas like this:
The wait was too long (and fancy) so we went downstairs to the pub area…which was rustic, cute, and came with “Trivial Pursuit Baby Boomers Edition.”
We ordered some alcohol because we needed it, and then ordered some lunch because we were famished. We enjoyed a leisurely lunch and a few rounds before realizing we were late for the rehearsal. Oops. (That’s what happens when you don’t have cellphone service.)
We ran to the Stockbridge Library (our destination), where we found the only other black person in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. (Seriously.)
Dina and…well, I forget what her name was. It started with a D.
The rest of the bridal party arrived, and we tore the library apart. Heavy labor ensued, and we took away tables and chairs, put up new chairs for wedding guests, and built a chuppah. (In skirts and heels I might add.)
Our chuppah creation. Thanks for the pic, Jamie!
A rehearsal followed, where Dina moseyed on over to the general store and got her first ever bee sting in the process. (Note: It is not good for a person who has never been stung by a bee before to be stranded walking in town by herself with no cell phone reception and to only have experienced bee stings through the death of Thomas J in “My Girl.”) After the rehearsal dinner, we sped out of town into Great Barrington where we were staying AND WE HAD CELL PHONE RECEPTION. We stocked up on basics like raisinettes, snocaps, party mix, and salt & limes to go with our tequila. (Which, btw, Dina had basically never had before…yay!) Since the bride-to-be was sharing a room with Dina & I the night before her wedding, we decided the night should be equivalent to the bachelor party the boys (and 2 girls) were having a town over. We gossiped, shared scandalous stories, drank, ate junk food, and drank some more.
I was going to insert more scandalous photos, but we have job searches to worry about.
The wedding was fantabulous, but I’m not going to talk about it now because it gets a post of its own. (I specifically asked Mike & Taylor if I could exploit their lives and nuptials on my site; they said yes.)
After the reception, Dina & I stripped in the car and changed into roadtrip-appropriate gear. We then did one of the most AMAZING THINGS EVER— we pumped our own gas! (We’re from Jersey, mind you.) We specifically went to a gas station because it had a “Free Coffee Day” sign out front, and while Dina went inside to figure out why there was free coffee, I was left trying to figure out how to work a gas pump. I couldn’t figure it out, and even resorted to calling my dad to ask for help. Dina came back out and told me that a) there was indeed free coffee because it was the first of the month and b) I had to pay ahead of time if I wanted to pay in cash. I got my free coffee, spilled some on myself, and gave the guy a twenty. Then, the following sequence of photos ensued:
Look! I can pump my own gas!
Wait, what am I doing wrong? I’m from Jersey. I don’t do this.
Get a picture of me doing this!
I PUMPED MY OWN GAS BITCHESSSSS!!!!!!
We drove for a bit before stopping for food, and we ate pizza and jalapeño poppers at a roadside pizza place. We watched a hippie van drive by covered in peace signs and tie dye paint, and Dina almost beat up a Cont in the bathroom. (He was a baseball played being a cunt to her for being in the bathroom when he had to go, and when she got out, the name on his jersey was “Cont.” Ha.) The ride back to Jersey was tiresome, and it took way longer than our ride up, but we finally got back. Fireworks literally erupted around us at one point while we were on the Parkway. It was magical…just like my trip with Dina.
I had a fantabulous time roadtripping with my poefy. It definitely brought us closer (insert sappy moment here) and I couldn’t have picked a better person to be my date for the wedding. I’m so glad Dina and I were able to be a lesbian Thelma & Louise! <3